In a time where relationships often feel like they’re running on hyper-speed—where people meet, date, break up, and move on in a matter of weeks—it’s easy to feel like we’ve lost something essential. Think about it: how often do we hear stories of people connecting deeply before rushing into the next step, only to fizzle out just as quickly? That’s why this story of taking things slow—one step at a time—feels so refreshing. It’s a reminder that some of the most meaningful connections in life aren’t built in a rush.
The First Meeting: A Surreal Reality Check
There’s something almost magical about meeting someone in person after months of connecting digitally. You’ve imagined this person countless times—how they’d sound, how they’d move—and then, finally, you see them. The story here captures that perfectly. The first meeting wasn’t a grand romantic moment; it was brief, simple, and even a little awkward. Yet, there’s so much power in that first real-life encounter.
This reminds me of how Brené Brown talks about vulnerability in Daring Greatly. She argues that allowing yourself to be seen, even in these small, nervous moments, is the essence of building a true connection. You don’t need grand gestures—sometimes just showing up is enough.
Why Patience Matters in Love
One thing that stands out in this story is how much patience was involved. They didn’t rush into showing their faces or diving into deep physical connections. It started with texts, then voice calls, then video chats. Each step built a little more trust and comfort.
It’s almost the opposite of what Esther Perel discusses in Mating in Captivity. She writes about how modern relationships often lose their spark because people dive in too quickly, leaving no room for mystery or anticipation. Taking baby steps, as this couple did, allows curiosity and excitement to grow naturally.
Navigating Physical Presence
One of the most touching parts of the story is how the author describes their reaction to seeing their partner for the first time—truly seeing them, not just through a screen. They noticed things like the way she wore her veil or her hesitation about her body. And rather than critiquing or judging, they responded with acceptance and care.
This reminded me of The Gifts of Imperfection, where Brené Brown highlights the power of embracing others as they are, not as we wish them to be. True connection isn’t about perfection; it’s about feeling safe enough to show your imperfections and still be loved for them.
The Fear of Losing Someone You Love
Here’s where it gets real: as the relationship deepens, so do the stakes. The author talks about the fear of losing their partner, especially as societal pressures and family dynamics come into play. This fear is so relatable because, let’s face it, the closer we get to someone, the scarier it feels to imagine life without them.
In Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, this fear is tied to our attachment styles. When we care deeply about someone, our brains naturally go into “protection mode,” making us hyper-aware of anything that could threaten the relationship. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s just how we’re wired.
What’s the “Cabbage Effect”?
Okay, this is one of the coolest metaphors I’ve come across: the “cabbage effect.” The author describes their partner like a cabbage—someone who slowly reveals themselves, layer by layer, over time. This gradual unveiling keeps the relationship fresh and intriguing, making it nearly impossible to get bored or take each other for granted.
It reminds me of what John Gottman writes in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. He emphasizes the importance of continually discovering new things about your partner. Relationships thrive when both people are curious and invested in getting to know each other on a deeper level—just like peeling back the layers of a cabbage.
Why Slowing Down Helps Relationships Last
In today’s world, it’s easy to feel pressured to speed things up. Social media makes us think that love has to look like whirlwind romances and big gestures. But this story shows that slowing down is actually the secret to making relationships last.
As the author describes, each step of their relationship felt intentional. They didn’t skip over the hard parts or rush into things they weren’t ready for. Instead, they allowed time to process emotions, build trust, and create a solid foundation.
This ties beautifully into the concept of “enduring love” that Alain de Botton explores in The Course of Love. He argues that love isn’t about grand moments but about the small, consistent acts of care and patience that build over time.
The Power of Acceptance
One of the most striking moments in this story is when the author reflects on their partner’s body image struggles. Instead of reinforcing those insecurities, they respond with unconditional acceptance, even while encouraging their partner to prioritize health.
This approach aligns with the teachings in Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson. She explains that secure relationships are built on emotional responsiveness—showing your partner that you see them, accept them, and care about their well-being. It’s not about changing someone; it’s about supporting them as they grow.
Fear, Hope, and the Bigger Picture
As much as this story is about love, it’s also about navigating the fears that come with it—fear of rejection, fear of societal judgment, fear of the unknown. But what stands out is the author’s hope. They don’t let fear dictate their actions; instead, they focus on the bigger picture: a life shared with their partner, built slowly and deliberately.
This echoes the wisdom of Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Frankl writes about the importance of finding purpose, even in difficult situations. For this couple, their purpose seems clear: to build a relationship that can weather any storm.
What We Can Learn from This Story
So, what’s the takeaway here? Relationships don’t have to follow a fast-paced, cookie-cutter timeline. In fact, the slower you go, the more meaningful the connection becomes.
By embracing patience, vulnerability, and acceptance, you can create a bond that’s strong enough to withstand life’s challenges. And as this story beautifully illustrates, there’s no rush—love, when nurtured thoughtfully, only grows deeper with time.
In a world obsessed with instant gratification, this kind of love is a rare and precious thing. So, take your time. Build layer by layer. Because, as the author reminds us, the best relationships aren’t rushed—they’re savoured.
