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Age and Authenticity: The Evolution of Self Beyond 25

Zadan Zarik
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Age and Authenticity: The Evolution of Self Beyond 25

DATE: 25/03/2023
5:17 am

The concept that “age is just a number” is misleading. Age is not just a marker of time—it is a biological and psychological journey that deeply shapes a person’s life and personality. As we age, the impact of these changes becomes more apparent, especially after the age of 25. This period marks a significant shift, particularly in women, where emotional and psychological complexity increases, making it harder to trust someone’s true self. Why? After 25, the ability to emotionally and psychologically manipulate becomes more refined. A woman often presents a role—rather than her authentic identity.

After 25, a woman begins to play roles that are shaped by the emotional and psychological needs of the person she is engaging with. Over time, she learns what a particular man requires—what he desires, how he thinks, and what emotional state he is in. The woman adapts and presents herself in a way that meets these needs, but this behaviour is distinct from her true self. The true person behind these roles remains hidden, and you may never know who she really is unless she chooses to reveal her authentic self.

These roles can vary greatly depending on the man she is interacting with. For one man, she may be a confidante or counsellor; for another, she could be a partner, a supporter, or even take on the role of a teacher or student. The way she presents herself shifts dramatically depending on the individual and their needs.

When playing these roles, a woman may appear to be the perfect female friend, someone who seems ideal for a potential partner. A man, captivated by her apparent perfection, may fall in love, believing her loving, caring, and kind words are a natural part of her personality. However, these qualities are actually part of the “role” she is playing. They are not necessarily reflective of her true self, but rather the script she has learned to follow. Many men fall into this trap due to a lack of psychological and biological awareness.

As she ages, typically between 27 and 32, her true identity starts to emerge. At this stage, she may still appear mature and caring, but beneath the surface, she might be fragile or even toxic. At this age, she may start revealing who she truly is, shedding the role she’s been playing. This is when the reality sets in—the woman you thought you knew may no longer be the woman you married.

In contrast, a woman under 25 is still closer to her natural self, untainted by the complexities that come with age and biological shifts. Before 25, she had not yet experienced the hormonal and emotional changes that influence women over 25. As such, a woman under 25 is more likely to be genuine, without the manipulative roles that come with ageing. You can trust that who she is at 22 or 24 is who she really is—there is no “mask.”

The biological “alarm clock” begins to ring after 27 and becomes more pronounced with each passing year. This is when the role-playing becomes more ingrained, and it can grow stronger as she matures. A woman under 25 does not yet experience these shifts in the same way. They are still closer to their authentic selves, making relationships with women under 25 feel more natural and true.

When you marry a woman based on the “roles” played after 25—whether at 27 or 30—there is a risk that, once the marriage is secured and she feels safe, her true self will emerge. She may shed the role she had been playing, revealing a side of her that is unfamiliar, and it could affect the relationship for years to come. The role-playing that begins with age and biological changes is a reality that cannot be ignored. Just as menstruation and other biological systems follow a definitive age, so too does the psychological shift that comes with growing older.

The Power of Optimism: Training the Brain for a Positive Mindset

Zadan Zarik
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The Power of Optimism: Training the Brain for a Positive Mindset

DATE: 10/02/2023

7:15 am

We often spoil the cherishable moments of our lives due to our pessimistic attitudes. During our downtime, we allow negativity to take over, causing us to focus on the worst. On the other hand, adopting an optimistic mindset allows us to extract the pure essence of positive moments and equips us to face difficult times. Philosophy itself is simple and straightforward, but the real challenge lies in how to remain optimistic.

How do we overcome negativity and destructive self-talk? How do we become radically optimistic? This is the hardest part, as it requires continuous effort, struggle, and work on oneself—an effort that can feel boring, painful, and unrewarding. This is why fewer people are optimistic and why negativity is so prevalent: most people don’t train themselves to be optimistic.

Discussing the importance of optimism is futile until we address how to cultivate it. To truly hold an optimistic, proactive attitude, one must start at the roots: the heart, stomach, genitals, eyes, ears, tongue, and nose. These organs are the originators of thoughts and desires. Therefore, we first need to address and align these areas.

Next, we need to train the most important muscle—the brain. The brain is like any other muscle: it requires training, just like the PV (Pectoral) muscles, biceps, thighs, and abdomen. However, unlike these muscles, the brain is often neglected. By training the brain, we can change the way it processes thoughts. While training the brain is difficult, it is possible, as the brain is capable of reprogramming itself.

To rewire the brain, we need to actively enforce a positive perspective. For example, when something has negatively impacted us, we must force ourselves to ask the brain to find and extract the positive outcome from the situation. This method works like repetitive exercise for physical muscles—repetition trains the brain. Over time, this process rewires the brain’s neural pathways, gradually transforming our attitude.

It is a painful and challenging task, which is why few attempt it. However, one additional practice can aid this transformation: writing down 3–5 daily blessings or good things that have happened to us. This must be done on physical paper with a pen—not just in the mind. Writing it out reinforces the practice and quenches the thirst for positive reinforcement.

Training the brain is not just about thoughts—it also involves physical actions that support mental change. Once the brain’s neural network has been rewired, circumstances will begin to look different, and we will start acting in alignment with this transformed brain.

Transforming Negativity of Mind into Radical Optimism

Zadan Zarik
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Transforming Negativity of Mind into Radical Optimism

We spoil the cherished moments of our lives due to our pessimistic attitudes. In our downtime, we allow ourselves to become consumed by negativity. On the other hand, an optimistic outlook allows us to extract the pure nectar from favorable moments and equips us to fight through difficult times. This, in essence, is the core of philosophy, which is simple and accessible. However, the challenge lies in learning how to be optimistic—how to overcome negativity, stop destructive self-talk, and transform ourselves into radically optimistic individuals.

Indeed, this is the difficult part because it requires continuous effort, struggle, and self-work, which can often feel boring, painful, and unrewarding. This is precisely why fewer people are optimistic and more are negative—most people never train themselves to be optimistic. Furthermore, discussing this idea is futile unless we address the “how.”

To cultivate a mindset of proactive positivity, we must start at the very roots: the heart, stomach, genitals, eyes, ears, tongue, and nose. These organs, as the originators of our thoughts and desires, must be addressed first. Only then can we begin to train our greatest muscle—the brain. The brain is like any other muscle, similar to the biceps, thighs, or abdomen. Just as we train those muscles, we must also train the brain.

Training the brain is difficult because it controls all other muscles. Yet, the brain can only train itself. To change the way our brain processes thoughts, we must actively enforce an opposing viewpoint. For example, if something negatively affects us, we must consciously instruct the brain to find and extract a positive outcome from it. Just as doing repetitive sets in physical training gradually strengthens the muscles, repeating this mental exercise will gradually train the brain. Over time, this rewires the neural pathways, ultimately transforming our outlook.

This process, however, is painful and rarely attempted by many. The reason most people avoid this effort is simple: it requires discipline and patience, qualities often in short supply in our fast-paced world. After all, it’s far easier to stay stuck in the comfort of familiar negative thought patterns than to challenge them. But the truth is, we can’t expect change without effort. We can’t expect to feel better if we don’t take the hard steps necessary to improve.

Another powerful tool in this process is the act of writing. Not only should we jot down 3–5 things we are grateful for or positive experiences from the day, but we must also write them down on paper with a pen. This physical act of writing is important because it helps solidify the positive thoughts in our minds, giving them a tangible form. While thinking about something is useful, it is something entirely different to write it out and see it on paper. In fact, writing has the power to quench the thirst of our soul for positivity. It is the first step in rewiring our thought patterns, and when done consistently, it strengthens the connection between the heart, mind, and body.

Training the brain is like training any other muscle. It requires dedication and consistency. Once this rewiring is complete, the brain’s neural network will be reshaped. As a result, it will alter how we perceive the world, how we respond to challenges, and how we approach opportunities. The brain will no longer react out of habitual negativity but will actively search for ways to respond positively, even in adversity.

And here’s where the magic happens. We begin to experience a transformation—not just in how we think, but in how we live. Our mindset becomes one of possibility, not limitation. Gradually, our actions become driven by hope and resilience, not fear or doubt. Life becomes more vibrant, more meaningful, and even in the darkest of times, we can find the strength to move forward. The struggle is ongoing, but it becomes less painful with time, as the brain adjusts to a new, more positive way of thinking.

It might be tempting to dismiss this as wishful thinking, but anyone who has put in the work knows that it’s not about wishful thinking at all. It’s about building a new foundation, brick by brick, thought by thought. The process itself isn’t easy, but it is simple. The hardest part is starting. But once you begin—even in the smallest way—you will see results. Slowly but surely, you will feel the shift, and over time, the world will start to look different to you.

Ultimately, the question isn’t whether it’s possible to change your mindset—it’s whether you’re willing to put in the work. Most people won’t attempt this transformation because it’s hard, and it takes time. However, for those who do, the rewards are immeasurable. You will have the power to face life’s challenges with grace, resilience, and, above all, optimism. And that, in the end, is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world around us.

It’s a choice, a commitment to growth, and a continuous journey. But the transformation is real. What’s more, it’s yours to create, starting today.

The Cost of Intimacy and Illusions of Connection

Zadan Zarik
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The Cost of Intimacy and Illusions of Connection

A wife’s intimacy often costs more than a prostitute’s. At least with the latter, there’s a transactional clarity. She finishes, collects her dues, and leaves—no lingering spite, no festering resentments, no dragging emotional debt. She doesn’t spit venom, reminding you of every imperfection, every perceived slight. No guilt trips; no emotional quicksand. A prostitute offers a service and goes, leaving no trace of herself beyond the moment.

But a wife? Oh, she stays. She stays with her words, her accusations, her endless criticisms. She stays to remind you that all the effort you’ve poured into the relationship, all the sacrifices, the labor, the compromises—you owe her for that too, eternally. It’s not just about money; it’s about the unrelenting emotional taxation. The currency in this exchange is your peace of mind, and you’re always overdrawn.

Prostitutes don’t demand that you repay them with years of your life. They don’t expect you to father offspring, to carry the weight of responsibilities that multiply with every breath. They don’t wrap your future in layers of obligation, disappointment, and unspoken resentment. Prostitutes, ironically, offer freedom—a finite encounter, a clean slate afterward. There’s no “fear of dying alone” with them because, in truth, everyone dies alone. A prostitute doesn’t sell illusions of eternal companionship; she sells a fleeting escape.

A wife’s presence, however, can become a continuous torture—a relentless assault of criticism, her words sharper than knives, tearing into the fabric of your very existence. And the cruelty? It’s wrapped in the guise of love. It’s the kind of cruelty that doesn’t end after a single night. It stays. It festers. It thrives in the shared space, the shared life. Like a parasite feeding off your insecurities, your vulnerabilities, your flaws. Every argument is an autopsy of your failures. Every silent dinner is a reminder of your inadequacies. There’s no mercy, no reprieve—just an endless spiral of emotional punishment.

Even prostitutes, those much-maligned figures of society, have mercy in their transactions. They walk away. Wives, on the other hand, plant themselves in the center of your world, unearthing every buried regret and mistake until there’s nothing left of you but a shell—a hollow man shackled by duty and resentment.

And yet, isn’t it ironic? The root of all this is something so small, so seemingly simple: a body, a desire, a biological imperative. Take away the sex, the “pussy,” and perhaps the whole illusion of relationships crumbles. The world as we know it might collapse under the weight of unmet expectations. And yet, isn’t it that very thing—the supposed joy, the connection, the promise of reproduction—that becomes the weapon, the catalyst for catastrophe?

The truth is, we’ve built an entire civilization around the pursuit of something that often destroys us. Eliminate the physical need, and what’s left? Peace, perhaps. Freedom. But we cling to it, to the idea of companionship, of meaning through another. And in doing so, we often destroy ourselves.

Maybe the ultimate irony is this: the thing we chase for comfort and connection often becomes the very source of our deepest misery. A twisted joke played by life itself.

Real Dilemma of Marriage and Let’s Fix It

Zadan Zarik
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Real Dilemma of Marriage and Let’s Fix It

In South Asian relationships, the debate often revolves around one question: Nikkah ya Nibbah? Should you formalize a commitment, or should you just keep it light? Many people struggle to find the right balance. Both options have their pros and cons. Let’s dig deeper into this relationship puzzle and try to solve it together.

Understanding Nikkah: The Commitment

Nikkah means marriage. It is a religious, legal, and spiritual commitment. You agree to stay together, support each other, and share responsibilities. Nikkah aligns with cultural and family values. The bond also brings a sense of security. In a Nikkah, partners feel a strong sense of duty. They want to take care of each other. They want to build a life together. Most importantly, they agree to navigate life’s ups and downs together.

People often say that Nikkah lays the foundation of a happy life. It provides clarity and direction. Many couples find peace in this defined structure. They enjoy the comfort of being with someone who will always be there. But remember, Nikkah is only the beginning. The real challenge starts after Nikkah—that’s where Nibbah comes in.

Nibbah: The Essence of Sustaining Love

Nibbah means sustaining the relationship. It is about patience, sacrifice, and empathy. You must show your partner that you care every single day. Do not expect love to stay alive without effort. You need to nurture your bond, just like you nurture a garden.

Think of Nikkah as planting a seed. Nibbah is the process of watering that seed, giving it sunlight, and making sure it grows into a healthy tree. Many people get married but forget to keep the love alive. They become complacent. This is where many relationships falter. Nikkah without Nibbah lacks the spark that keeps love flourishing.

When Nikkah Happens, Nibbah Must Follow

Often, couples think Nikkah is the only major step. But once Nikkah happens, sustaining the bond becomes critical. Nikkah may feel easy compared to the challenges of daily life. After Nikkah, you have bills to pay, families to consider, and responsibilities to shoulder. Miscommunication can lead to arguments. Unrealistic expectations may cause disappointments.

After Nikkah, partners must actively work on Nibbah. Communicate with each other. Spend time together. Respect boundaries and learn to compromise. Nikkah is an agreement. Nibbah is how you honor that agreement. Without Nibbah, Nikkah loses its essence.

Nibbah Without Nikkah: The Modern Twist

Modern times have introduced a twist to the age-old concept of love. Many people choose Nibbah without Nikkah. They want to understand each other before taking the plunge. In this type of relationship, there is no formal commitment. The focus is on compatibility and love. Some couples prefer freedom. They want fewer rules and more spontaneity. Nibbah without Nikkah feels exciting but comes with its own risks.

Without Nikkah, there is a lack of formal stability. Partners may feel insecure during challenging times. Questions about the future may arise. Family pressures may create stress. Raising children without formal ties can also be challenging. While Nibbah without Nikkah seems liberating, it can lead to uncertainty in the long run.

Nikkah for Nibbah or Nibbah for Nikkah?

So, what comes first? Nikkah for Nibbah or Nibbah for Nikkah? The answer is not straightforward. Different people have different needs. Let’s explore both scenarios.

Nikkah for Nibbah: The Traditional Path

If tradition matters to you, start with Nikkah. In this scenario, Nikkah is the base, and Nibbah follows. Nikkah brings stability. After that, you both work towards Nibbah by nurturing the love. There is comfort in knowing that you are legally and spiritually tied. For many, this formal commitment gives confidence to invest more in Nibbah.

Nibbah for Nikkah: Testing Compatibility First

On the other hand, some people prefer to focus on Nibbah first. They want to test compatibility before taking vows. In this case, Nibbah acts as a rehearsal. You explore each other’s likes, dislikes, and personalities. If things work out well, you both decide on Nikkah. It’s like a trial period. This method can help eliminate doubts. However, it comes with its own uncertainties—no legal commitment means the future remains unpredictable.

Choosing Nikkah for Life

The perfect scenario is Nikkah for Life. You make a commitment, and then you honor that commitment with all your heart. Nikkah brings you together. Nibbah keeps you together. To achieve this, you need balance. Align your values and dreams. Build a life based on trust and communication.

How to Make Nikkah and Nibbah Work Together

You can make Nikkah and Nibbah work well by being proactive. Here are some suggestions:

  • Communicate Regularly: Always share your feelings. Talk about your worries, joys, and fears. Communication builds trust. Trust fuels Nibbah.
  • Respect Differences: You are different individuals. Respect your partner’s likes, hobbies, and boundaries. Differences do not weaken Nikkah. They strengthen it when you learn to adapt.
  • Show Appreciation: Celebrate small victories. Appreciate the little efforts your partner makes. Gratitude keeps Nibbah alive.
  • Be Present: Give your partner your time and attention. The effort you put in today strengthens the bond for tomorrow.
  • Compromise: Nikkah requires sacrifices. Compromise when needed. Understand each other’s perspectives.

What Should You Do? Where Should You Go?

Kiya Karein? Kidhar Jayen? The answer depends on what you value most. Relationships thrive when both Nikkah and Nibbah coexist in harmony. If you believe in tradition and societal norms, start with Nikkah. If you want to test compatibility, start with Nibbah. Either way, your journey doesn’t end after either one—it begins there.

  • For those who choose Nikkah, make sure that the love grows stronger every day.
  • For those who choose Nibbah, understand that a day may come when Nikkah will bring completeness to your relationship.

The key is to remember that Nikkah and Nibbah are two sides of the same coin. One cannot exist meaningfully without the other. Nikkah provides structure and formality. Nibbah brings depth and warmth. Both are essential for a fulfilling relationship.

The Ultimate Goal: Finding Balance

A successful relationship is not just about choosing between Nikkah and Nibbah. It’s about finding balance. You need both elements to make love last. The initial excitement of love may fade, but with effort, deeper bonds develop.

Every couple must work to keep Nibbah alive after Nikkah. Don’t take each other for granted. Keep growing and loving. Keep supporting each other. The essence of love lies in the everyday moments—in making each other laugh, wiping away tears, and standing together when times get tough.

In conclusion, the debate between Nikkah ya Nibbah ya Dono isn’t about making a choice between two different paths. It’s about understanding that they both play vital roles in a loving relationship. Start with Nikkah if you prefer commitment first. Begin with Nibbah if you want to explore compatibility. But always aim to integrate both. Love demands effort. Effort keeps love alive.

Final Thoughts

Marriage or Nikkah gives love its structure. Sustaining love or Nibbah gives it meaning. The real magic happens when both come together. Choose wisely. Commit sincerely. Build a relationship that grows, nurtures, and sustains love through every season of life. The question isn’t Nikkah ya Nibbah ya Dono. The answer is both—together, forever. So, tell us: which path will you choose? Share your thoughts and let’s learn from each other’s experiences.

The Fault Lines on The Way to Accomplishments

Zadan Zarik
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The Fault Lines on The Way to Accomplishments

Every step towards personal success is more painful than before, so most people are dark examples of personal failures around us. A friend walks in when everyone walks out. Friends are also surgeons and removers of cancers through surgical interventions. However, a human always needs to work on selecting the right friends, primarily by choice and at least by chance. We are corrupt regardless of gender, or because of the secret conditionals inside; in either way, we want to fulfil our desires or the desire of desire either by directly engaging with our wishes or by indirect collaboration with 3rd person who makes us or feeds us the chunks of beautiful, imaginative fulfilment of desires.

The evil inside the human body is wilder than the evil outside. The truth is not bitter but the acceptance of reality. A friend corrects the path of a friend in the absence of everyone, including himself. Surgery is always done inside the room with strict privacy, darkness around, and focus lights over the cancer. There was a severe disarray, and after one-liner, I finally concluded. Disarray here means the disorganization in career and personal choices. I will write only what I observed, whether acceptable or can be denied altogether.

First, this disorganization and frequent changes in approach create a delusion inside the mind, and our mind gets confused about what to think. To think is a continuous process of mind that lets us keep moving on one trajectory. When we ask our mind to make changes quickly, it gets confused, and as a result, we lose the path; we switch from one path to another and get split in between. This results in us landing nowhere. We feel like we are moving ahead like a rat race wheel. We move so much and remain there from where we start. So, the first Thing is to take a deep breath and ask ourselves to make one single decision. Then, we write it down on paper, not digitally, so that a promise can be made between our hearts and minds.

2nd Thing, haste makes waste. All the efforts and struggles get wasted once we try to get quick results. There are no quick results except the universal negative ones, such as theft, dacoit, fraud, prize bonds, etc. Nobody I have studied became successful in their life overnight. I found a great loop of haste/quickness or quick response/ reaction in general personality. It is only transformed into stability and steadiness with exercises, not meditation. Also, all of the exercises in human life are very Painful, and it is rare to dare to perform such exercises; that is why you will find the majority are disastrously failed in general life (failure is not living life but spending it with the flow, nothing else and vice versa is a success- general and straightforward way of defining success and failure).

3rd Thing is short and straightforward, an amalgamation of our collective approach. Nothing in this World is unconditional, even if it is taken as a positive condition such as prayers, well wishes, etc. Besides this, a general formula is to spend money to save time – spend time to save money. The time spent equals the labour hours needed to earn particular money, according to one’s personal, collective abilities and skills. For Example, if I need 50 Lac, and my current skill set has a market value of 5000 Per hour, I will need to spend some 1000 Working hours to save my 50 Lac or 50 lac to save my 1000 WORKING Hours.

4th Thing, go to the grocery store and ask the shopkeeper to give you some 1 Kg sugar, 1 Kg Rice and 1 Pack of detergent against social welfare work, uplifting people’s lives through counselling and helping others in their lives, if he can give you these things regularly, this is the perfect balance if occurs. Well, it is hypothetical and not actual. To get 1 KG of Sugar, we need 100 Rupees. To get 100 rupees in cash, we have to work. If we keep working as employees, we will forever remain hands to mouth. What if we do business? We will fail because we need passion in it. It is more disastrous than a job. 4.5th  The Thing is, Social Welfare cannot be en-cashed or sold, or it will lose its worth and become a business rather than social welfare. Counselling can be transformed into business, and it is purely halal. Doing Halal business in the Halal way needs struggle and sacrifice of all the clutter; it is all the collective clutter. IT IS SO PAIN CAUSING Phenomenon, so much so that within 3-4 days, we collapse and return to our comfort zone.

The 5th Thing is that the Comfort zone is variable; it is good in the personal domain to have a chest where we can hide, a shoulder where we can rest when we break, holding a warm hand to walk ahead, feet a feet journey and continuous support in hurdles of achieving our personal goals.
The comfort zone in professional/ career/ business domains is doing 9-5 jobs that pay according to the owner’s wishes, not our skills and abilities. That is why organizations profit more; employees never reach the owners’ income level. 2ndly, employees serve to fulfil the dream of the employer or owner, etc. Serving others and getting money monthly is poison for a few people who are not designed in a way to serve others’ dreams (I am one, with pride, because I have struggled). This is the professional comfort zone I am not against, as the majority is not designed by Nature to pursue dreams, so they are designed to support others’ dreams. This comfort zone is best for 95% of the people but is the toxic killer for the rest of the 5% with dreams and plans. A Practical Task is to make a list from this particular office of the people who left it not to be employed elsewhere but to chase their dreams: Zakir, Umer Shamim, Shahzaib, Umar, Rana Umair, Harris, etc. The rest of the 95% is not designed for dreams, or they are slowly working on them, but the overall population of the office will be 95% vs 5%. So, personal comfort zones are basic needs like oxygen, water and food, and professional comfort zones are killers.

6th Thing is the continuous effort of those 5%. Most of us, including me, waste 80% of our productive time on useless subjects. In the end, everybody moves on their path, and we, the wasters of time, are left over in the plates of life as leftovers. Again, getting rid of time-wasting objects and activities is VERY Painful, and none of us wants to leave because we are addicts and we find escape in it. Just like drugs, we find timely peace in it, and when it gets over before we go to sleep, our uselessness haunts us daily, and we find our life purposeless tomorrow morning. We are again ready to waste the day, and it continues until the whole functional era of life, which is not more than 45 years of anybody’s life, gets into the bin.

Another practical thing to do is to analyze the level of sadness, hopelessness, and pity at night and our stubborn attitude to waste the day in the morning. When we wake up, we forget entirely that we were fucked last night by the previous day. Time Wasters don’t make us feel time wasters objects as we find them supporting our mental health or emotional health, but so do the drugs. Just like drug addicts are admitted to rehabilitation centres, time wasters and junk eaters need a rehabilitation centre as well. Addictions are treated the same way, no matter from which category these belong. We know what are our time wasters and it varies for every person Mr.s. has always told me that writing, gardening, crafting, cycling and travelling are time wasters. I replied that using social media, YouTube, and long calls are time wasters.

7th Thing is the attitude towards circumstances. Everybody talks about the 1% attitude; I call it the level approach. The rest of the 99% of attitude is towards the inside; only we know who we are and our actual capacity. We often overestimate our skills- when pressure is applied, we collapse under it as we don’t possess such capacity. We are living in the age of information and not knowledge. Knowledge is inversely proportional to information. The more information I have, the less knowledge I will have or be wiser. Today, every one of us knows so much, a walking encyclopedia. Every other person knows so much that overwhelmed and loaded with the explosion of information; this is an era of information and now knowledge. Knowledge has gone far away for centuries. So, analyzing our true selves is being more knowledgeable about ourselves. Once we truly learn who we are, we can accept that we know this and that. Based on this analysis, we can derive what we seek, or we can redirect our dreams to comply with our skills, or in the opposite case, we learn new skills that are more inclined and supportive to our dreams; for Example, if my skills and passion is one thing, but I cannot claim scholarship quickly based on existing passion then I must learn something and apply it to get a quick scholarship.

8th Thing is devising a realist plan according to personal capacity. Idealistic plans never work; we overestimate our capacity and fail our plans. Small and discrete plans always prove their worth. We should never show our plan. Other people’s stigma pushes our inner to make romantic plans to get an appraisal that we are into a huge business. We compete with ourselves only and make plans that are not in our minds. Mind is the most dangerous enemy and betrayal partner. Pen and paper are best friends.

The 9th Thing is to be in love. A compassionate, soothing, healing and supporting love. Love is not sexual intercourse; neither is it hanging out, talking so much and doing nothing. Saying and expressing love tangibly is a tiny part of getting ahead, proving it is challenging in today’s fast-paced life. Many people come and say they are in love but are not; they like us and are not beyond it. Love is a comprehensive emotion which wants us to go the extra mile. Going the extra mile tears our heels causes cracks in our heels, and causes tiredness and fatigue. For Example, when somebody claims Loveto for you, he has to protect your honour in your absence, controlling that his fight for your honour and dignity never shows off his inclination towards you so that while protecting you, he is doing the opposite. People may associate him with you, resulting in dishonour again. It isn’t easy.
Similarly, love wants us to get into the deep needs of a person and deeply rooted support in every matter. Surface-level affirmations are likenesses possessed by many around us. It contrasts this with what our company holds inside.

The final thing is to learn and understand the design of Nature. Nature has designed men and women differently for different roles. When we return to the first human being (Prophet Adam A.S.), he was created as a single being. He lived for a while in paradise, and Allah (SWT) observed his boredom because Jins, Angels and Humans are three different species that are incompatible. So, He got back to Adam AS and created Eve. Once there All of these were my findings. I found these types of disorganization in myself. I tried to overcome these for myself, and it slowly started working for me to be a better version of myself. We all know this; these are not some very enlightened thoughts; everybody knows this. But the question to address is how. We know the answer to HOW, but we are not into this business because it is tedious, hurtful and painful. That is why everybody enjoys where he is, in the soothing comfort zone of life altogether. Those who overcome the fears of pain and get pain through work in a positive direction are the people who, in the end, harvest the gains. No Pain- No Gain.

In conclusion, links are inversely proportional to actions; the more we talk, the less we do. Failures are fundamentally necessary. But choosing another path of mistakes doesn’t make humans but animals. One mistake is chance; the 2nd same mistake is choice. The selection of companions on the path is 90% of the achievement; a wrong selection yields null and void results. Dependency is only for people with disabilities, not the complete humans. Social and natural laws should remain intact for one’s goals and dreams; otherwise, they will end up in the least productive effort. Submission to one who could be a Master or a guide can be a choice, but submitting to oneself is brutal and harsh, as we never want to be in actual pain. All the talks mentioned above are known to every soul on the planet. Yet they need to take a chance to improve themselves. What could be the reason? When every person knows every Thing, yet every other person is almost crippled and looks fail either in one walk of life or the other. Fortune cannot be blamed at 100% as humans are not dependent on 100% fortune. The world works on the cause-and-effect principle, not only on prayers and fortune.

Bitterness does not exist in the whole passage. I have figured out some flaws that could be a cause or hurdles between a man and his dreams. To let miracles happen in our lives, we must become miracle-causing personalities. The technical faults are the impurities inside the hearts that pollute the souls. The technical matters of human body machines can be fixed because these are technical and only need replacing faulty parts inside us. Cancers of thoughts, self-constructed and incorrectly wired thoughts, and perfection in self-assumed theories are not accepted by ourselves sometimes and primarily by society. Idealization is the outcome of imagination, but we have to eat, drink, sleep and urinate in the Physical world; otherwise, we will starve or pee inside our clothes if we put imagination solely. Accepting the real world is complex, and pursuing it is challenging. The strongest people are meant for the most complex challenges to fix.

Sometimes, our pain becomes so intense that we fail to express it in words, art, or speech. That pain alters the course of our lives. When harvesting the mining, we throw the plough away and leave the mine just before reaching the diamond.

Give up to the Battles inside you, and forgive yourself; you were/are/will be a human with errors, and you will be an angel, and with most of it, you will be the devil, so… let it go! Fall in love again with spirit, remove some boundaries of halal and haram, and live it to the end. That is it. That is life!

How to Handle Insecure People Without Losing Your Own Sanity

Zadan Zarik
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How to Handle Insecure People Without Losing Your Own Sanity

Working with difficult personalities can drain our energy. It clouds our judgment and makes it hard to make good decisions. This impacts how we maintain, nurture, or even exit relationships. Whether it’s with a friend, spouse, child, sibling, or parent, dealing with insecurities can be exhausting. Insecurities are like shadows—they appear and disappear as life moves on.

Insecure people, in particular, can be the hardest to handle. Their insecurities can be harmful not only to themselves but also to those around them. Why, then, are highly insecure individuals so challenging? And where do these insecurities even come from? The second question, in fact, deserves its deep exploration. Without understanding the root of these insecurities, we cannot genuinely help anyone transition from being insecure to becoming confident—all while avoiding any hurt to their emotions or beliefs.

While feeling insecure is a natural part of life, it can lead to harmful behaviors when people try to mask or compensate for their self-doubt all the time. Sometimes, they misjudge the intentions of others and end up causing issues. At other times, they blame others for the results that stem from their own misguided actions.

Insecure individuals often avoid taking risks, become unproductive, and can even display socially abusive behaviors. Below, I’ll break down some of the most common toxic behaviors of insecure people.

The 9 Most Common Toxic Behaviors of Insecure People

Overly Concerned About Others’ Opinions

Insecure people tend to worry obsessively about what others think of them. Even when others are speaking generally, they take it personally. Despite the fact that these others may not even care about their presence, insecure individuals feel targeted. Their own insecurities make them overanalyze and distort innocent remarks into perceived attacks.

Inability to Express Firm Opinions

Their opinions are often divided, confused, and unclear. Why? Because they lack confidence. This indecisiveness stems from their fear that their opinion might be proven wrong. They’re so focused on the possibility of failure that they hesitate to even voice their thoughts.

Chronic Indecision

Insecure people struggle with decision-making, even when the decision is trivial. They tend to create countless backup plans—Plan A, Plan B, Plan C—because they fear making the wrong choice. This only cripples their ability to act confidently.

Disrupting Projects or Meetings

They frequently change the direction of projects or meetings. This might be because they are unsure of themselves, or they want to feel like they have some control. Regardless, it disrupts progress and frustrates those around them.

Putting Others Down

Insecure individuals often put others down to feel more important. This behaviour shows that they are self-centred or even narcissistic. By belittling others, they try to elevate their self-worth.

Fake Busyness

They constantly talk about how busy they are. Yet, more often than not, they’re exaggerating. They want others to believe they’re in high demand. I call this the “Fake Demand Value.” It’s just a way for them to feel important.

Paranoid Meddling

These people often question your every move, leaving you confused and second-guessing yourself. Even if you’re an expert in your field, their endless questions can make you feel unsure. They create doubt where there was none.

Disagreement for the Sake of It

Insecure people are perpetual disagreement machines. Often, we disagree to spark debate, gain insight, or even end up agreeing because we’ve learned something new. Insecure individuals, however, simply disagree to disagree. Their stance is fixed, no matter what argument or logic is presented.

Rigid Belief Systems

Their beliefs are often deeply rooted in past traumas, from where their insecurities first arose. These beliefs become engraved in their minds, and breaking free from them is both difficult and painful. Pulling these people into a confident, self-reliant zone requires significant effort, patience, and a willingness to confront deeply held fears.

Why Are Insecure People So Challenging to Deal With?

The main issue is their reluctance to express their personal opinions openly. They avoid eye contact and shy away from direct communication. Even when their viewpoint is valid, their lack of confidence prevents them from contributing to the conversation. Meeting others face-to-face becomes challenging for them, and they hide behind some form of curtain—whether literal or figurative.

Why Do Insecurities Arise?

The origin of insecurity is one question, but how we can help these individuals move past it is another. Tackling both questions simultaneously would create confusion. However, addressing each question separately may help us—and anyone reading this—better understand these behaviors and how to effectively respond to them.

Dr. Azra Raza: A Visionary in Cancer Research

Zadan Zarik
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Dr. Azra Raza: A Visionary in Cancer Research

Dr. Azra Raza is an acclaimed Pakistani-American oncologist, researcher, and author, known for her pioneering work in myelodysplastic syndromes (MDS) and acute myeloid leukemia (AML). Born in Karachi, Pakistan, she completed her medical education at Dow Medical College before moving to the United States to pursue advanced research and clinical practice. Today, she serves as the Chan Soon-Shiong Professor of Medicine and Director of the MDS Center at Columbia University, where her groundbreaking research is transforming the approach to cancer treatment and management.

Dr. Raza has spent over four decades studying and treating MDS and AML, with a passionate commitment to bridging the gap between science and patient care. Her groundbreaking research aims to understand the earliest stages of cancer, with a vision to shift the paradigm from treatment to early prevention. Dr. Raza’s approach emphasizes the urgent need to focus on detecting cancer before it progresses to an advanced, often incurable state. Instead of solely treating the disease after it develops, she advocates for a preventive model that could save countless lives.

Research and Approach

Dr. Raza’s work is characterized by her unique repository of patient data and biological samples—an extraordinary collection of tissues, cells, and patient histories spanning decades. She has meticulously gathered these samples to study cancer progression from the very first mutation to its clinical manifestation. This extensive biobank provides valuable insights into how cancer evolves, offering clues that could lead to early diagnostic tools and preventive measures. Dr. Raza believes that understanding the subtle changes that occur before cancer becomes clinically visible is key to its eventual eradication.

Authorship and Public Advocacy

Beyond her laboratory work, Dr. Raza is a prolific author and passionate advocate for a humane approach to cancer treatment. Her book, “The First Cell: And the Human Costs of Pursuing Cancer to the Last” (2019), offers a critical perspective on the current state of cancer research and treatment. She argues that, despite significant funding and advances in technology, the focus on discovering new therapies to treat late-stage cancers has yielded only modest improvements in patient survival rates. Instead, she advocates for a fundamental shift in how resources are allocated, prioritizing the early detection of cancer—what she terms “the first cell”—to prevent its deadly spread.

In “The First Cell”, Dr. Raza combines personal stories from her patients with a deep analysis of the economic and scientific hurdles that impede genuine progress in cancer research. She speaks with authenticity, having not only treated hundreds of patients but also having experienced the devastating impact of cancer on a personal level. Her late husband, Dr. Harvey Preisler, a noted oncologist himself, succumbed to leukaemia—a tragedy that only intensified her resolve to fight for a better approach to cancer care.

How Azra’s Work can re-Shape Future of Cancer Research

Early Detection and Prevention

Dr. Azra Raza’s emphasis on the earliest detection of cancer represents a visionary shift in oncology. While the current treatment model largely focuses on advanced cancers, her work highlights the necessity of prevention before the disease becomes aggressive. This preventive approach is increasingly recognized as a crucial future direction for oncology, with the potential to reduce the suffering and economic burden associated with late-stage treatments.

Human-Centered Care

Dr. Raza has been a vocal critic of the “war on cancer,” which often leads to patients enduring debilitating treatments with limited chances of success. She advocates for more compassionate care that prioritizes patients’ quality of life. This message is critical as medicine advances, ensuring that new technologies and treatments do not lose sight of the human beings they are designed to help.

Precision Medicine and Data-Driven Research

Her work with patient samples also foreshadows the growing field of precision medicine—an approach that tailors treatment to the unique genetic makeup of individual patients. Dr Raza’s extensive data collection on MDS and AML patients is invaluable for developing targeted therapies that are more effective and less toxic. This kind of research, combining personalized care with large datasets, represents the future of oncology and medical treatment as a whole.

Interdisciplinary Approach

Dr. Raza’s advocacy extends beyond the clinical setting. She actively engages in conversations across disciplines—including policy, economics, and ethics—about how to improve the healthcare system for cancer patients. Her public lectures, interviews, and writings are helping shape a narrative where patient-centred care, early detection, and a collaborative effort between science, society, and ethics are prioritized.

    Dr. Azra Raza’s impact on oncology is both scientific and deeply human

    She envisions a world where cancer can be detected early, treated gently, and perhaps prevented entirely—a future where patients are spared the trauma of aggressive, often futile treatments. Her advocacy for a shift from “the last cell to the first cell” resonates powerfully today, influencing researchers, policymakers, and healthcare providers to rethink how cancer should be tackled in the decades to come.

    Mastering Effective Communication: A Review of The First Minute

    Zadan Zarik
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    Mastering Effective Communication: A Review of The First Minute

    It takes on the monumental challenge of transforming the way I communicate at work. This isn’t just another book on communication theory; it’s a tactical manual designed to cut through the noise of confusing workplace exchanges. Right from the first page, I sensed Fenning’s intent to strip away the fluff. There is a practical energy here that guided me to speak with purpose and precision.

    The beauty of Fenning’s approach lies in its simplicity. He offered me a no-nonsense, step-by-step guide that I could immediately put into practice. One key element is the concept of the first minute—that vital window when people decide whether to tune in or tune out. Fenning tells me that being concise isn’t about trying to cram all my thoughts into a single breath. It is about communicating with clarity and intentionality. He states, “To be effective, you must eliminate the clutter and give focus to what truly matters.” It’s a message that resonates across each chapter, urging me to stop rambling and get to the heart of the matter.

    What makes this book stand out is its practical nature. The methods Fenning presents are universally applicable—from meetings to emails to interviews. Transition words such as “however” and “therefore” are peppered throughout, keeping my attention focused and helping me connect each idea seamlessly. He provides a simple, yet powerful framework: make my intent clear, stick to one topic, and lead toward solutions. It’s a refreshing take, especially when I consider how easily workplace communication can become muddled by jargon and tangents.

    Fenning also gives weight to the idea that better communication is not about the length of what I say but about the precision with which I say it. Personally, I’ve often found myself in meetings that seemed endless. People would discuss everything except the actionable next steps. This book helped me see that by changing just the first minute of those conversations, I could help lead others more effectively and save time—not just for myself, but for everyone involved.

    In terms of practical application, the lessons from this book are immediately actionable. If I’m preparing for a meeting, I practice framing my thoughts around one clear objective. I use the first minute to get my audience on the same page by explaining what I intend to talk about, why it’s important, and what result I am hoping for. Likewise, in written communication, Fenning encourages me to be brief but informative. I cut out unnecessary words and zero in on what my reader needs to know. Implementing these methods has led me to shorter, more effective meetings, fewer misunderstood emails, and a general sense that I am leading discussions rather than following them. It’s a book that doesn’t just teach me how to communicate—it shows me how to communicate with impact.

    An Exploration of the Supreme Emotion in Relationships

    Zadan Zarik
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    An Exploration of the Supreme Emotion in Relationships

    In the world of emotions, we often think that love, care, honor, or respect are the most important elements of our relationships. But I’ve come to realize that there is something even greater, something that forms the true foundation of meaningful connections: absolute trust. Trust isn’t just another part of a bond; it’s the core of what makes a relationship powerful. Let me explain why trust is the supreme emotion, more influential than anything else in human connection.

    The Strongest Bond

    When I talk about trust, I mean a level of belief in someone so deep that you would stake your life without hesitation. Trust is the ultimate connection between individuals because it means being completely vulnerable, even in matters of life and death. The most precious thing we have in this world is our life, and we only get one chance to live it.

    To trust someone to the point where you’d put your life in their hands means having an unshakeable belief that they will never betray you. This type of trust isn’t easy to find. It’s not the same as love, respect, or honour, it goes far deeper. It is the strongest, most powerful bond that can exist between two people.

    The Nature of Absolute Trust

    Absolute trust exists only when there’s no fear of betrayal—when you know without a doubt that the person you’re trusting is truly trustworthy. In such a relationship, even the thought of sacrifice or death becomes a win-win situation because the foundation is built on something more than individual desires. Few people ever reach this level of connection. It takes detachment from worldly fears and a dedication to something greater.

    Trust in Divine Will

    Only those who have devoted their lives to a higher purpose, like trusting in Allah, can truly embody this level of trust. Their strength comes from their unwavering belief that both life and death have meaning when tied to a greater calling. These individuals don’t betray because their trust is rooted in something far beyond personal gain. Their goals are pure, their focus unwavering. For them, life and death come together for a singular, unified purpose.

    For us humans, true peace can only be found in trusting others who, in turn, place their trust in the divine. When someone is driven by a higher purpose, their actions become predictable, steady, and aligned with higher values. Without that divine connection, betrayal will inevitably happen—if not today, then someday.

    In our relationships, trust has to be the foundation. Love, care, respect, and honour are all important, but nothing compares to the strength and resilience that come from absolute trust. Whether it’s in our relationships with others or in our faith, trust is what gives real meaning, peace, and depth to our connections. Trust is the bridge between the finite and the infinite, between the human and the divine.

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    About

    I am Zain Ul Hassan and Zadan Zarik is my pen name since 2007. I have written extensively on religions, social issues, politics and technology along with relationships, prostitutes, parenting and kids pscyhology. Explore the articles to learn more about my work.

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