Working with difficult personalities can drain our energy. It clouds our judgment and makes it hard to make good decisions. This impacts how we maintain, nurture, or even exit relationships. Whether it’s with a friend, spouse, child, sibling, or parent, dealing with insecurities can be exhausting. Insecurities are like shadows—they appear and disappear as life moves on.
Insecure people, in particular, can be the hardest to handle. Their insecurities can be harmful not only to themselves but also to those around them. Why, then, are highly insecure individuals so challenging? And where do these insecurities even come from? The second question, in fact, deserves its deep exploration. Without understanding the root of these insecurities, we cannot genuinely help anyone transition from being insecure to becoming confident—all while avoiding any hurt to their emotions or beliefs.
While feeling insecure is a natural part of life, it can lead to harmful behaviors when people try to mask or compensate for their self-doubt all the time. Sometimes, they misjudge the intentions of others and end up causing issues. At other times, they blame others for the results that stem from their own misguided actions.
Insecure individuals often avoid taking risks, become unproductive, and can even display socially abusive behaviors. Below, I’ll break down some of the most common toxic behaviors of insecure people.
The 9 Most Common Toxic Behaviors of Insecure People
Overly Concerned About Others’ Opinions
Insecure people tend to worry obsessively about what others think of them. Even when others are speaking generally, they take it personally. Despite the fact that these others may not even care about their presence, insecure individuals feel targeted. Their own insecurities make them overanalyze and distort innocent remarks into perceived attacks.
Inability to Express Firm Opinions
Their opinions are often divided, confused, and unclear. Why? Because they lack confidence. This indecisiveness stems from their fear that their opinion might be proven wrong. They’re so focused on the possibility of failure that they hesitate to even voice their thoughts.
Chronic Indecision
Insecure people struggle with decision-making, even when the decision is trivial. They tend to create countless backup plans—Plan A, Plan B, Plan C—because they fear making the wrong choice. This only cripples their ability to act confidently.
Disrupting Projects or Meetings
They frequently change the direction of projects or meetings. This might be because they are unsure of themselves, or they want to feel like they have some control. Regardless, it disrupts progress and frustrates those around them.
Putting Others Down
Insecure individuals often put others down to feel more important. This behaviour shows that they are self-centred or even narcissistic. By belittling others, they try to elevate their self-worth.
Fake Busyness
They constantly talk about how busy they are. Yet, more often than not, they’re exaggerating. They want others to believe they’re in high demand. I call this the “Fake Demand Value.” It’s just a way for them to feel important.
Paranoid Meddling
These people often question your every move, leaving you confused and second-guessing yourself. Even if you’re an expert in your field, their endless questions can make you feel unsure. They create doubt where there was none.
Disagreement for the Sake of It
Insecure people are perpetual disagreement machines. Often, we disagree to spark debate, gain insight, or even end up agreeing because we’ve learned something new. Insecure individuals, however, simply disagree to disagree. Their stance is fixed, no matter what argument or logic is presented.
Rigid Belief Systems
Their beliefs are often deeply rooted in past traumas, from where their insecurities first arose. These beliefs become engraved in their minds, and breaking free from them is both difficult and painful. Pulling these people into a confident, self-reliant zone requires significant effort, patience, and a willingness to confront deeply held fears.
Why Are Insecure People So Challenging to Deal With?
The main issue is their reluctance to express their personal opinions openly. They avoid eye contact and shy away from direct communication. Even when their viewpoint is valid, their lack of confidence prevents them from contributing to the conversation. Meeting others face-to-face becomes challenging for them, and they hide behind some form of curtain—whether literal or figurative.
Why Do Insecurities Arise?
The origin of insecurity is one question, but how we can help these individuals move past it is another. Tackling both questions simultaneously would create confusion. However, addressing each question separately may help us—and anyone reading this—better understand these behaviors and how to effectively respond to them.